My heart for foster care and adoption

Anyone who knows me likely knows that I am adopted and that it holds a special place in my heart. My adoption story began before I was even born. While my birth mother was pregnant with me, she decided to place me for adoption. To this day, I am so thankful that she made the choice to chose LIFE for me; even if it meant placing me for adoption.

Fast forward for a couple months later and I was born in California and shortly after met my forever family. A couple weeks later my parents brought me home to the place where so many people had prayed for me. I grew up in a loving home with amazing parents and a brother who is just a year younger than me. But the older I got, the more I began to have more questions pertaining to my adoption and why my birth mother chose not to parent me. For years I wrestled with this. In fact, I still do sometimes. I often have to remind myself that my identity is not found in what has happened to me but my identity is found in Jesus Christ.

Fast forward now! Gosh, my heart beats for kids in foster care and kiddos who have been adopted. People don’t always understand us, and that’s okay. When you haven’t personally experienced adoption, it can be hard to relate. There has been a lot of research done about kids that have been adopted and some trauma being linked to that. For example: Let’s say you visit a farm and there is a beautiful horse there. The owner is with the horse and when you excitedly go meet the horse, they flinch and back towards there owner, unsure of who you are because they have never seen you before. Adopting a baby can be similar. All they have known is being tucked away in their birth mama’s belly and to be suddenly ripped away from that can be hard. Though kids don’t specifically remember that, it is ingrained into their brain and creates a feeling of being unsafe and the need to constantly be in fight/flight/freeze mode. Kiddos in foster care also have trauma. Depending on their environment, the type of trauma can vary. This can also cause them to be in fight/flight/freeze mode and have a dysregulated nervous system leading to challenging behaviors.

I think one thing as a society we can do is show more compassion for kiddos/families walking through adoption or foster care. Because here’s the thing: you never know what someone is walking through. Even when you are in the grocery store and see a 5 year old melting down or having a tantrum have you ever stopped to think: “maybe they are a foster child with a super dysregulated nervous system; carrying a lot of trauma.” Or “maybe they are adopted and really missing their biological family today and can’t put words to their feelings so they are acting out. Or “that mom is trying her best and I can tell she really loves and cares about her kids.” You never know what someone is walking through, and that doesn’t just go for foster care/adoption it goes for all of life!

But if you know someone that is walking through foster care or adoption, love them well. You have no idea what is going on behind closed doors. Or the behaviors they deal with day in and day out. Or how they feel so defeated at the end of the day because their child screamed how much they hate them. Love them well, pray for them, send them encouraging messages. Be the hands and feet of Jesus.

I think adoption holds such a special place in the Father’s heart. He handpicked every child for their family, not just biological children but adopted kiddos as well. And really if you are a believer, you have been adopted into the family of Christ, what a beautiful picture that is.